Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
