Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
