PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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