just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
