i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
