drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
