none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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