STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
