just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
