so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
