I think I won the penis lottery.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
