How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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