imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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