She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
