were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
