At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
