so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
