Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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