turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
