I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
