I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
