3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
