somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
