I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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