Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
