I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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