turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
