that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
COCAINE IS GR8
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
