So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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