my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
