I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize