You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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