We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
