There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
