And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
