i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
