He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
