HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
