I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
