i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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