Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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