Have you finally orgasmed yet?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
