Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
