oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
