I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
