we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
