The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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