Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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