I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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