Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
