So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
