I don't think brook has ever known best
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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