So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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