Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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