I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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