Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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