I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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