all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
