Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
