He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
