I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize