a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
please come you make the beer taste better
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
