I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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