the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
