we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
