Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
